I distinctly remember the sinking feeling I'd get during a few of my failed attempts to kick my drug habit, where I'd find myself asking "Is this it? Is this what sobriety feels like?"
It was supposed to "fix" everything but as you say, you're suddenly met with everything you've been numbing and suppressing with substance use and it's incredibly painful with no clear end in sight.
This article was an important reminder for me. It's been so long since I've kicked addiction I almost find my immediate response is a similar lack of understanding when I see others struggling with substance abuse. I have to consciously remind myself how I felt during that period of my life and just how logical continuing to use feels in the throws of addiction.
Finally getting a chance to properly sit with this one. Thank you for this, Adam.
I remember in early sobriety, someone in particular would tell me they knew I had a problem and were worried about me, and they were also the first person to offer me a glass of wine or a drink knowing I was trying to work through it. It felt really confusing in the moment, and looking back I can see they just didn't understand.
I appreciate you dearly for taking the time to digest this one. Thank you Kaitlyn. I’m glad those particular confusing times are gone now. That’s not to say life can’t be confusing sometimes, but at least we’re not making it worse. Thank you for sharing.
I just separated from my partner over 6 years, left my business, and moved into an RV at a friend’s house in another state and am completely starting over.
I absolutely did not stay on the band wagon as much as I wanted to for a lot of these reasons. I was/very new to world of trying to be sober and booze was the thing I knew. I literally would tell myself, I need to stop and get back on the wagon but it’s not going to be today.
Now I’m three days gone and three days sober (again). And hoping that leaving the toxic environment I was in will help as will continuing to do the work I started in managing my sobriety in a healthy, long term way.
Do wish I could have navigated these crazy life changes without drinking? Yep. And all I can do is keep trying to hopefully do better next time.
Also PAWS suck and that doesn’t get talked about much either.
"As someone who has walked this path, I can say this: the downside of sobriety is not knowing who you are without the crutch. The upside is that you get to find out." What a gift! Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights, Adam.
This is spot on. And explains why so many go back to what’s familiar. If you can’t find meaning in sobriety the scale starts to tip to relapse. I’ve seen it and felt it and done it. After the pink cloud evaporated in month 4 I was faced with boredom, nihilism, depression, regret and very little joy. All of the things I drank and smoked at or because of. With time and help I slowly climbed mostly out. But, it’s all there still but now it can be looked and dealt with. Sobriety can be/is a hard path. Worth it to me but I have understanding and compassion for why others just cannot.
Thanks for your writing. It really hits home for me.
A pleasure, Trace. You make some solid points there. I feel the hardest part is eliminating the cons of sobriety by putting in the work on meeting unmet needs. Yet once these are met, sobriety is absolutely worth it. Substances, over time, become redundant.
Thank you so much for writing about this Adam! It is both incredibly useful to help people understand addiction in others, but also for people who face it themselves. I know that if I had read these words years ago it would have lifted a lot of the shame I felt. It answers the question 'why do I keep doing this? what's wrong with me?' Because exactly as you say - the addiction does have benefits, otherwise we wouldn't get addicted to things!
I think it can maybe feel taboo to name this because people are worried that it means validating the substance use...? But it's the elephant in the room isn't it. There are benefits AND huge harms. We need to be aware of both.
This is so important to read about. Thank you. I'm three years off the booze even though I wanted to for about 15 years up to then. The last time I got drunk, my hangover lasted 4 days. I decided I would never do that to myself again and psychedelics helped me solidify that intention. But yes, that's when the reasons why we drink /use /shop show themselves. Nobody talks about this. I feel a post coming on. 🙏
Part of me kept cawing, “dry isn’t sober,” as I read this piece. Another part of me finds that part of me annoying. While they fight, this part of me is commenting.
Great piece. I’d never considered the known evil because that first drink always meant the possibility of the unknown could happen. Which was, as you’re lobbying, predictable.
Great intro piece to your writing, Adam.
I’ve only just started writing about the darker corners of my addict self (which is a cluster of personalities, really, but let‘s let sleeping cans of worms lie).
Thank you for speaking to this, Adam. “The substance provides a familiar sense of reprieve” is all too true. Us humans go to comforts and what’s familiar, even if it’s harmful. I also really enjoyed how you spoke to the “ecosystem” built around being addicted. Being sober might seem and actually be losing all your closest friends. It’s so hard to build those connections back up, especially without the way we’d normally get past social anxiety!
Great stuff as always, Adam.
I distinctly remember the sinking feeling I'd get during a few of my failed attempts to kick my drug habit, where I'd find myself asking "Is this it? Is this what sobriety feels like?"
It was supposed to "fix" everything but as you say, you're suddenly met with everything you've been numbing and suppressing with substance use and it's incredibly painful with no clear end in sight.
This article was an important reminder for me. It's been so long since I've kicked addiction I almost find my immediate response is a similar lack of understanding when I see others struggling with substance abuse. I have to consciously remind myself how I felt during that period of my life and just how logical continuing to use feels in the throws of addiction.
It sort of shows how far you’ve come too, if you don’t identify at all with drug use.
Appreciate your feedback Shane, thank you.
Finally getting a chance to properly sit with this one. Thank you for this, Adam.
I remember in early sobriety, someone in particular would tell me they knew I had a problem and were worried about me, and they were also the first person to offer me a glass of wine or a drink knowing I was trying to work through it. It felt really confusing in the moment, and looking back I can see they just didn't understand.
I appreciate you dearly for taking the time to digest this one. Thank you Kaitlyn. I’m glad those particular confusing times are gone now. That’s not to say life can’t be confusing sometimes, but at least we’re not making it worse. Thank you for sharing.
Exactly! "At least we're not making it worse." Well said.
I just separated from my partner over 6 years, left my business, and moved into an RV at a friend’s house in another state and am completely starting over.
I absolutely did not stay on the band wagon as much as I wanted to for a lot of these reasons. I was/very new to world of trying to be sober and booze was the thing I knew. I literally would tell myself, I need to stop and get back on the wagon but it’s not going to be today.
Now I’m three days gone and three days sober (again). And hoping that leaving the toxic environment I was in will help as will continuing to do the work I started in managing my sobriety in a healthy, long term way.
Do wish I could have navigated these crazy life changes without drinking? Yep. And all I can do is keep trying to hopefully do better next time.
Also PAWS suck and that doesn’t get talked about much either.
That’s rough Bekah, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I hope things come together for you soon.
My best wishes for you.
"As someone who has walked this path, I can say this: the downside of sobriety is not knowing who you are without the crutch. The upside is that you get to find out." What a gift! Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights, Adam.
Hey thanks Derek. It’s a pleasure.
This information is needed. Non-addicts do not understand, just like you say. Great idea for a story.
Thanks Strawbridge. Thought I’d do a little bit on the reasons some people might not see. Appreciate the feedback.
This is spot on. And explains why so many go back to what’s familiar. If you can’t find meaning in sobriety the scale starts to tip to relapse. I’ve seen it and felt it and done it. After the pink cloud evaporated in month 4 I was faced with boredom, nihilism, depression, regret and very little joy. All of the things I drank and smoked at or because of. With time and help I slowly climbed mostly out. But, it’s all there still but now it can be looked and dealt with. Sobriety can be/is a hard path. Worth it to me but I have understanding and compassion for why others just cannot.
Thanks for your writing. It really hits home for me.
A pleasure, Trace. You make some solid points there. I feel the hardest part is eliminating the cons of sobriety by putting in the work on meeting unmet needs. Yet once these are met, sobriety is absolutely worth it. Substances, over time, become redundant.
Thank you for your insights, Trace.
Awesome post as always.
I think it was Gabor Mate that said addiction almost works. It is providing a lot. But it just doesn’t quite soothe completely.
This will help people understand why it is honestly a good choice.
Thank you Holly.
I like a great deal of what Gabor Mate says. I thank goodness that he speaks publicly about what addiction is and isn’t.
Thank you for your kind words.
This is a great essay, Adam.
Thank you for reading and sharing, Tinashe. I’m honoured!
I appreciate this.
I recently lost my husband to suicide- and he struggled with alcoholism.
It got really bad towards the end before we separated.
I had to choose myself.
Isabelle, I can’t imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry for what happened. Take care.
Thank you so much for writing about this Adam! It is both incredibly useful to help people understand addiction in others, but also for people who face it themselves. I know that if I had read these words years ago it would have lifted a lot of the shame I felt. It answers the question 'why do I keep doing this? what's wrong with me?' Because exactly as you say - the addiction does have benefits, otherwise we wouldn't get addicted to things!
I think it can maybe feel taboo to name this because people are worried that it means validating the substance use...? But it's the elephant in the room isn't it. There are benefits AND huge harms. We need to be aware of both.
Thanks Ellie. Really glad it resonated this much!
This is so important to read about. Thank you. I'm three years off the booze even though I wanted to for about 15 years up to then. The last time I got drunk, my hangover lasted 4 days. I decided I would never do that to myself again and psychedelics helped me solidify that intention. But yes, that's when the reasons why we drink /use /shop show themselves. Nobody talks about this. I feel a post coming on. 🙏
Thank you 🙏 and following.
Part of me kept cawing, “dry isn’t sober,” as I read this piece. Another part of me finds that part of me annoying. While they fight, this part of me is commenting.
Great piece. I’d never considered the known evil because that first drink always meant the possibility of the unknown could happen. Which was, as you’re lobbying, predictable.
Great intro piece to your writing, Adam.
I’ve only just started writing about the darker corners of my addict self (which is a cluster of personalities, really, but let‘s let sleeping cans of worms lie).
I agree 100% that dry isn’t necessarily sober.
It really isn’t. I think someone could be 5 years dry and still not be sober.
My angle for this piece was to help create an understanding of the struggle for some.
Hey I’ve written a few more articles if you’d like to take a look?
Thank you so much for reading, Damon. You have an interesting approach.
Would love to. Any you would recommend to read first?
Thank you, Damon. I tend to write either 'theory' or personal articles. So I'd like to share my favourite of each so far:
Theory: https://rehabitus.substack.com/p/point-your-choices-towards-meeting
Personal: https://rehabitus.substack.com/p/my-life-in-addiction-vs-sobriety
Thank you for your consideration.
Nice! Thank you. I will check these out
Thank you for speaking to this, Adam. “The substance provides a familiar sense of reprieve” is all too true. Us humans go to comforts and what’s familiar, even if it’s harmful. I also really enjoyed how you spoke to the “ecosystem” built around being addicted. Being sober might seem and actually be losing all your closest friends. It’s so hard to build those connections back up, especially without the way we’d normally get past social anxiety!
Absolutely, Cole. Thank you for your feedback.
Love this!!
Cheers Jonny
Loved every second of this post! Well done, my friend. You’re not alone. Thank you!
Great to hear, Musings! Thank you
Adam, as always, insightful perspective.
Thank you for reading, Larry. And your kind comment.