Stoicism And Sobriety

Thinking Clearly, Choosing Better, Living Well

Apr 06, 2025

The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.
— Epictetus

Three years ago to the day, I drank alcohol for the last time. Not long after, I spent four months in a rehabilitation centre focused on one central principle: Choice.

Since then, Choice has become more than just a word. It’s a navigation system for living well, and crucially, for staying well when things fall apart, which, by nature, they inevitably will.

I’d studied bits of philosophy back in undergrad, but never Stoicism. It wasn’t until some time after rehab that I stumbled into it, first by accident, then with growing awe.

I fell in love with the clarity, the conciseness, and the radical emphasis on what is within our control. This reflected everything I had come to believe about Choice, and clearly predated it by about 2000 years. That’s when I realised something quite powerful: I had already been living like a Stoic. I just didn’t have the name for it.

A true Stoic would say that’s the point. Stoicism isn’t meant for display. It is a discipline to be lived; a daily practice in the art of living, in some ways to thrive, in others to endure. It teaches how to choose well, even if all you have left is a choice.

These days, I read a few pages of ancient wisdom every morning, take notes, and journal. I’m slowly chipping away at a book of my own, aiming for a similar wisdom-dense, life-hardened style that smacks the truth into your soul every time you read it. Not to imitate, but to contribute.

Here are some Stoic principles I live by that keep me solid.

i) Dichotomy of Control

We need only concern ourselves with what we can control. Learn to distinguish what is truly under your command from what isn’t, and direct your efforts only toward what is.

Don’t concern yourself with what is outside your control. Never busy yourself with the actions and affairs of others unless your role genuinely requires it. Mind your own conduct, and you may influence others to do the same. This alone is truly liberating.

You cannot control how others treat you, but you can control how you respond. This truth became a mantra in my early recovery, when conflict still surrounded me, and my patience was still thin. I’ve no doubt I still walk free today because I’ve held onto this during some very stormy situations.

You cannot change your past, or even the consequences of it, but you can act with integrity now. You cannot control outcomes, but you can control the effort and awareness you bring to each moment.

When you stop blaming, resenting, and even trying to fix something that isn’t yours, you free up energy to master what is.

This is where locus of control fits in. During addiction, mine was largely external: I blamed circumstances, people, luck, my genes, and even alcohol. The sober me internalised it. My life changed when I realised I was the one driving and that I pave the road with my choices. Life didn’t change overnight, but it certainly changed direction.

The Stoics had a name for this inner authority: prohairesis. It’s your rational will; your power to choose your response, and the only thing that is truly yours.

Understand this, and the rest will follow.

ii) First Impressions and Second Impressions

When you are about to be tempted by some pleasure, let the thought come to your mind, ‘Wait a while; let me see what will happen when the pleasure is over.’
-Epictetus

Building on the dichotomy of control, the Stoics taught us that it is not events themselves that disturb us but our impressions of them. This doesn't just apply to the negatives like insults, loss, or misfortune; it applies to desire too, especially when it feels like compulsion.

Take cravings. The moment the craving arises is the first impression. It’s a response trained over years, but it’s nothing more than conditioning. There is nothing unusual about that. Everybody has conditioned responses.

Reduce exposure to triggers, rearrange your routines, and build better habits; all of which will serve you greatly. But if a craving appears seemingly at random, don’t panic. Know that you don’t control the first impression. So don’t waste your energy trying to force it away. Acknowledge it and shift your focus to where your power begins.

You do control the second impression, which is your interpretation of the first. This is where prohairesis lives, and where your freedom of choice begins.

Slow down, examine the impulse, strip it of its seduction, and play the tape to the end. See it for what it is: just an old neural pathway rerunning an outdated ‘solution.’

Desire can be unlearned over time. Often, that desire to change your state is really a signal to change your circumstance. So ask, ‘What is this really pointing to?’ If you explore carefully, the craving may be telling you about a deeper need, or a gap in your inner life. From there, you can pursue a better, more natural solution.

Each time you respond wisely, you reinforce a better path forward, and over time, the cravings themselves diminish in frequency and intensity.

For a deeper breakdown, I invite you to read Dismantling Cravings, written for this exact purpose.

iii) The Four Cardinal Virtues

Wisdom, Justice, Courage, Temperance

External events lie beyond our power and must be treated only as information. What matters is how you meet them.

These four virtues form a compass to guide how you act, decide, and respond in everyday life.

Wisdom is applied understanding: knowing what is truly good, bad, or indifferent. Wisdom helps you judge what to pursue, what to avoid, and what to ignore. It’s knowing the right thing, and living according to it.

Justice is your duty to others. We are part of a whole, and we are made to live in cooperation. To act justly is to contribute, to treat others fairly, and to act with goodwill and integrity.

Courage is doing what is right despite fear or difficulty. Tell yourself the truth even when it hurts. Take action when you don’t feel ready. Do the hard thing even when nobody claps. You might not be promised success, but if you have acted with courage, then you haven’t betrayed yourself.

Temperance is self-control over emotions, desires, appetites, excess, impulses, distractions, and indulgences. This enables you to keep your inner life in order, to prioritise the right things, and to do them well, because self-control clears the fog and anchors you into intention.

For us, sobriety isn’t a final goal; it’s a byproduct of living rightly. When you live true to yourself, sobriety holds itself up.

iv) Purpose Over Pleasure

Pleasure isn’t wrong; it’s just a poor master. Chasing pleasure leads to slavery, first to impulse, then to regret.

Pleasure is immediate. Purpose is enduring. One fades as fast as it arrives and leaves you wanting more; the other deepens with time and commitment.

This reflects the difference between hedonic and eudaimonic happiness. The former is found in fleeting highs, the latter is deeper fulfillment in meaning and purpose. There’s nothing inherently wrong with hedonia; things like spontaneity and pleasure have their place. But a life built around the pursuit of feeling good will collapse under its own emptiness.

Worse still, expecting to feel good all the time is a recipe for constant disappointment.

The modern world knows this. It’s engineered to hijack your pleasure circuits; offering rewards without effort, keeping you disappointed and craving more.

But hedonia without eudaimonia is a dangerous imbalance.

And despite what the world tries to sell you, there’s no pill, hack, or shortcut for that. Only purpose.

Purpose, by contrast, doesn't always feel good. In fact, it’s often tedious and effortful. It demands patience, discipline, and sacrifice. But that’s exactly what makes eudaimonic joy far more valuable: it is earned.

You make a worthy exchange. It feels good because of the effort.

The joy that comes from overcoming yourself, from becoming more capable, and from seeing the fruits of that effort is lasting. It may well be the truest form of satisfaction.

Hard work creates meaning, and meaning gives rise to lasting joy.

Tie yourself not to what feels good, but to what is worth doing.

The joy is in the work.

v) Voluntary Discomfort

Train for hardship before it arrives. The Stoics knew this well, and deliberately toughened themselves for life’s inevitable storms. After all, it’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

This does not mean punishing yourself. It means preparing yourself. Discomfort, chosen intentionally, teaches two things: the skills required to handle disorder, and the resilience required to endure it. And resilience is best built before a crisis rather than during or after.

I live clean now, but I don’t live soft. I wake early. I train. I stay composed. I do the hard shit first. Not to prove anything to anyone but because I know the price of not staying sharp.

Unchecked ease will erode you over time. If you wait until the storm hits to somehow find your strength, you’ll be too late. Train when the skies are clear. You can guarantee the next storm will come, and when it does, you’ll be solid.

As the saying goes, you don’t rise to the level of your expectations; you fall to the level of your training.

And sometimes, that hardship will arrive precisely because you were unprepared.

So stay ready.

vi) Self-Examination

An unexamined life lacks direction. How can you know if you are doing well if you haven’t stopped to ask what you’re aiming for?

The Stoics made self-reflection a daily practice to refine their thoughts and stay aligned with their principles.

At present, I’m reading Meditations.

Marcus Aurelius wrote this as a private journal, not for public eyes. It wasn’t published until long after his death.

He was Emperor of Rome, commanding armies, defending its borders, managing political unrest, and facing the Antonine Plague, which devastated the Empire and probably claimed his life. And yet he wrote to himself to keep his mind rational, to stay anchored in what mattered, and to hold himself to account.

If self-examination worked for a man carrying that much responsibility, surely it can work for us, too.

Get clear on who you are and how you act. Know who you want to become.

Journal, reflect, and ask deep questions. Write to untangle your thoughts and weigh them against your values. Break yourself down on paper and piece yourself back together with clarity.

If you don’t check yourself, no one else will. Make it a habit, or risk your old habits making a return.

Keep looking at yourself in the eye, and keep holding yourself to high standards.

Sober Living

Stoicism is a framework for living, and it works.

I have shared these ideas not just because they apply to sobriety in the context of addiction, but because they support what sobriety means in a deeper sense: in lucidity, being sensible, rational, grounded, aware, and awake in your own life.

Maybe you’ll get curious and dig a little deeper into Stoicism. But even if this is as far as you go, perhaps a few of these ideas might shift how you approach life, and all it entails.

If this spoke to you, and you’re ready to build something solid for yourself, I now offer 1:1 sobriety coaching.
You can find more details here or by viewing the Upgrade option.

Control what is yours to control. Internalise your responsibility. Question your impulses. Live with virtue. Choose purpose. Train for the storms. Know yourself.

It’s not easy. But it’s worth it.

And that’s the point.

Thank You.

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