I Own My Choices

My Reflection on Responsibility and Blame

Rehabitus: Personal Growth in Life After Addiction.

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I had an important video conversation with my father earlier this week.

He’s a subscriber and avid reader of my newsletter—and one of my biggest fans. (Hi Dad. Thanks for your consent to publish this.)

He called me to ask something about my writing that struck deep:

"Why haven’t you blamed me or your mother for your alcoholism?"

It was clear this question had been weighing on him for a while, and it was important enough to call me about it. And I understand why.

My father had been an alcoholic for about forty years. He decided to become sober ten years ago, which was a choice that undoubtedly saved his life. (Big respect, Dad.) By the time he quit, I still had the worst part of my addiction ahead of me. My mother also has a history of severe alcoholism.

Their alcohol problems spanned across my childhood and adolescence, and well into my adulthood. I know that my alcoholism may have seemed inevitable.

Here’s my previous article on losing everything, and the power I chose when I hit my final rock bottom:

The Power I Found in Losing Everything

There was a time when I did blame them for my drinking. But since becoming sober in 2022, I’ve come to realise that my parents are not responsible for my becoming an alcoholic. That responsibility is mine, and mine alone.

I told him that we all make choices. And whilst I may have been influenced by my environment, the decision to drink was mine. My own choices, not theirs, led me down the path I took.

My understanding now is that whilst alcohol was always part of my environment, nothing dictated my fate beside me.

I chose to pick up the bottle, and I chose to keep drinking. Even though it didn’t always feel like I had another option, I still made the choice to drink.

Now, I choose to stay the fuck away from it.

As a sober adult, I hold sacred the reality that my life is my own. I take full responsibility for myself —for my past, present and future.

And I know I’ve done you proud, Dad.

I’m proud of you too.

Love,

Adam.

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P.S.

Here I am running the Rehabitus group I told you about:

(He’s not seen me in action yet.)

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