Become Aware. Become Agentic.
Identifying and Overcoming Two Major Mental Traps
Word count: 1700 words // Read time: Approx 8 minutes.
Recognising and Escaping Self-Perpetuating Traps
As someone who has emerged from colossally messing up my life, I understand what it’s like to feel trapped.
Not just by addiction, but by the mental traps that kept me from improving my outlook during dry spells. I am certain that my inability to recognise my responsibility for my life events contributed to my final, steep descent into the bowels of addiction and its life-altering consequences.
This week, I’ll delve into how people might consciously or unconsciously trap themselves in their circumstances as I did, and suggest some ideas on how to develop personal power to help overcome them. This article draws heavily on Stephen Covey’s "Seven Habits," the Stoic concept of the dichotomy of control, and Julian B. Rotter's theory of locus of control.
Trap #1: Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness is a conditioned state where an individual believes they have no control over their circumstances due to repeated exposure to harmful or stressful situations.
This belief, whether unconscious or conscious, leads to passive resignation and a lack of effort to change a situation, even when opportunities for improvement arise. Tragically, this belief self-perpetuates and self-prophesises due to hopelessness and inaction, yielding more negative events and perceived powerlessness.
“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t—you’re right.” - Henry Ford
Unlearning Learned Helplessness
Be open to the idea you might be inaccurately perceiving your own helplessness. The first step is acknowledging the presence of learned helplessness or the absence of a ‘can-do’ mentality. You may notice this by catching how many times you say “I” and “can’t” in the same sentence. Reflect on a situation right now where you feel helpless and consider whether this perception is justified. Probe into why you perceive you can’t escape it. Break it down. Write down the end goal and plan it backwards. Find step 1.0. Starting to take action may be within your immediate reach. Ask yourself, ‘What options are available to me’, ‘What can I do to influence this’, and ‘How can I prevent this from happening again?’
Challenge your negative beliefs. Oddly enough, you don’t have to believe all your thoughts. Actively question and reframe negative thoughts. Replace "I can’t do this" with "I can’t do this, yet" or better still, "I can learn how to do this." Flip “This always happens to me” to “This happens to anyone who allows it, and I’m not going to be that person again”. Consciously turn what you are saying to yourself into an affirmative, workable statement.
Set reasonable goals. Start with small tasks to build confidence and a sense of control. We don’t want to jump into a 10/10 scary task— but we can reasonably step into a 1/10 version of a scary task. Then a 2, and so on. Public speaking phobia, for instance, isn’t a lifelong entity that lives in your brain but is the absence of a skill you can gradually learn. Confidence is a skill. Begin small and work your way up.
Seek proper support, not sympathisers. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who believe in your abilities. If your current group reinforces your helplessness, consider finding new peers. Hang around people who lift you up.
Exercise. Training your body helps build invisible muscles too. They’re called self-discipline, self-efficacy and consistency. You can’t see them, but they’ll come in handy. With exercise, you have more influence over your health, you have better control over your mood and your day, and you are taking stock of your abilities and gradually improving them.
Trap #2: Willful Ignorance
Willful ignorance is consciously avoiding knowledge, skills, perspectives, or information that could be relevant or beneficial. This choice is often motivated by a desire to avoid uncomfortable truths and responsibilities, to protect our self-image, or to evade the effort required for a change. It's about clinging to familiarity and comfort, even at the expense of growth and improvement.
Addressing Willful Ignorance
Acknowledge avoidance. Come to terms with the fact you might be pulling the wool over your own eyes. Recognise when you are deliberately avoiding information or skills that could benefit you. For example, not checking your bank statements because you're afraid of what you'll find won't make your financial problems disappear. Instead, learn how to manage finances, create a budget, and tackle the issue head-on.
Confront discomfort. Growth often involves discomfort. Face challenging information head-on and swallow that bitter pill rather than avoiding it. Admitting there’s a better way doesn’t mean losing face; it means you’re improving.
Take responsibility. Accept that it is your responsibility to seek out and utilise beneficial knowledge and skills. Everything you say and do—or don’t say and don’t do—is within your control. If your life isn’t improving, you must acknowledge your role in that. Recognise that you have been instrumental in both the good and bad aspects of your life. Focus on improving what can be improved and take active steps towards bettering your situation.
Break it down. Start with small steps in areas you have been avoiding. If you avoid physical exercise, start with a short daily walk and slowly incorporate more activities as you build your mental and physical stamina. If you avoid spreadsheets, entertain the idea of doing a free online course to grasp a better understanding. Begin with manageable tasks and gradually take on more challenging ones to build confidence and skill.
Locus of Control
To help escape learned helplessness and willful ignorance, it is important to understand our locus of control— the degree to which we feel in charge of our life’s events. Your locus of control exists somewhere on a continuum of internal vs. external.
An internal locus of control means believing you can largely influence your life’s events and outcomes—you are primarily in charge, and you can change your circumstances. People with a high degree of internal locus of control are proactive, accountable for their actions, adaptable, effective, have a growth-oriented mindset, and act with more autonomy.
An external locus of control means attributing your life’s events to external factors beyond your control, such as luck, chance, fate, or the influence of other people. Individuals with a high degree of external locus of control might feel that they have little power over their circumstances. They believe that good, bad, and mediocre life events are going to happen regardless of their actions. For example, you might think you failed a test because it was too difficult. Conversely, you might believe you aced a test because the teacher was in a good mood, rather than attributing either result to your own ability or effort.
In reality, both loci can be true. While we can exercise agency over many aspects of our lives, there are inevitably events and circumstances beyond our control. For example, we cannot control other people's thoughts or actions, the passage of time, natural events or foreign politics. However, we can acknowledge these external forces, accept their existence, and strategise ways to work around or mitigate their impact. This concept, known as the dichotomy of control, is explored in Stoic philosophy.
Understanding this balance allows us to focus our energy on what we can control.
"You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength." — Marcus Aurelius
Activity
In a neutral and accepting frame of mind, question if you could control or influence more of your life’s events or at least how you respond to them. If you feel small or insignificant within your reality, envision ways to expand your influence. You might not be able to do X, but you could do Y. What new skills could you learn, actions could you take, or initiatives could you create to exert more control over your world? Reflect on how you can increase your impact while reducing the influence of external forces.
When stuck in a situation ask yourself if there’s something you can do about it.
Personal Responsibility and Empowerment
Accepting self-responsibility is crucial for personal growth and empowerment—you are responsible for your actions and their outcomes. Recognise that you have more access to personal power than you might believe. This isn’t about believing you are superhuman, but about acknowledging your ability to affect your choices, behaviours, emotions, and responses.
Approach Challenges with Realistic Optimism
Adopt a mindset of realistic optimism, focusing on problem-solving rather than resignation. Ask yourself what you can do to improve any given situation. Identify and concentrate on what you can control. The common denominator in everything you can control is you. You are the CEO of you.
Even if you didn’t cause a problem, focus on how you can influence the outcome. Holding on to a sense of blamelessness without taking action can exacerbate the issue.
"Be tolerant of others and strict with yourself." - Marcus Aurelius
Changing Your Situation Through Action
To change your situation, you must change your actions. The same process yields the same outcomes. If you want different results, you must alter your processes. Start by working on personal attributes that don’t cost a penny—such as being on time, making an effort, showing kindness, practising gratitude, maintaining a positive attitude, being respectful, staying organised, being prepared, offering a helping hand, and listening more intently to others. These qualities can significantly enhance your personal and professional life without any financial investment.
Physical and Mental Health
Focus on your physical health through proper diet, good sleep and regular exercise. Engage in activities that promote mental growth, such as reading and learning new skills. Make sure to participate in fulfilling activities that enrich your life. Eliminate habits that harm you or others.
Setting and Achieving Goals
Break down daunting tasks into smaller, achievable chunks to build confidence and momentum. Better still, set a new basic daily habit like walking more often, reading outside of your usual interests, listening to others, or saying ‘no’ to distractions or procrastination activities. Commit to that habit consistently.
Final Thoughts
By adopting an internal locus of control and committing to better daily actions, we can influence our circumstances and outcomes. In doing so, we shift from mental traps to a more empowered, self-efficacious life.
Start today. Identify one small step you can take to begin reclaiming control over your circumstances or your responses to them. Each action, no matter how minor it may seem, contributes to a larger pattern of positive change and personal growth.
You are the CEO of your life, and your journey to empowerment begins with the simple choices you make every day.
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Really appreciate this message, Adam. We have far more agency than many seem to realize - including or especially through seemingly small, everyday choices.
Also, this cannot be overstated: "Focus on your physical health through proper diet, good sleep and regular exercise." For me, that’s an essential starting place - and it’s also an area where many seem to have relinquished and even forgotten their agency (often as part of a pattern of addiction and denial).
Adam, how did you find sobriety from your addictions?