The Purpose of Recovery is to Become Recovered.
But Not If The Mainstream Can Help It.
This opinion piece is intended to provoke dialogue around the nature of addiction recovery, especially within U.K. recovery communities.
“Would you like to see the wine list, Sir?”
“No thanks.”
This brief exchange at my birthday meal at a fine dining event might seem trivial, but it represents a profound transformation. As someone with a history of knocking back 2 litres of vodka per day for years, I recognise fine wine as a cheeky gateway back into addiction.
To me, fine wine is a seductive temptress at my front door, asking to borrow a cup of sugar while showing a bit of leg. But beneath her charm, she’s the devil in disguise, so I send her away and bolt that door. My loyalty is to my well-being. Ethanol is ethanol, no matter how it’s dressed up, and I’ve eliminated it from my diet.
The Importance of Moving Forward
This encounter at the restaurant highlights a broader issue in addiction recovery: the importance of internalising healthy choices and habits and moving forward with life. It was a normal, healthy, quick exchange. Alcohol has absolutely no power over me when it’s sat in a bottle.
I believe true recovery has to go beyond learning how to remain abstinent. It has to transform your life and mindset into something more wholesome and complete. And as for me, recovery involves transcending the state of recovery itself to enjoy life.
Challenging Unhelpful Labels
In many recovery circles, the concept of ‘recovery’ has deviated from its traditional sense of becoming well. Rather than implying a return to a state of health, recovery often means a state of being perpetually sick and perpetually recovering, like being stuck on a treadmill, always moving but never truly progressing.
You’re either an ‘addict’ or a ‘recovering addict’. Anything else invites the disapproving looks of the community, a blend of condescending pity and a perverse readiness for your relapse to affirm their judgment.
These binary labels are limiting and disempowering. They suggest a never-ending battle rather than a journey with a potential endpoint. The endpoint is freedom.
A Better Perspective on Recovery
Seeing recovery as a journey into freedom allows for a more hopeful and effective approach. Knowing there’s an endpoint to recovery may empower people to envision a future where they are not perpetually stuck, but living a healthy, balanced, and meaningful life.
You can recover.
“But I’ll Always Be in Recovery”
Recovery should aim to make people well. I cannot believe I have to say that. The ‘recovery’ consensus, however, is that you can only become frozen in abstinence and manage a nagging permanent condition. This idea is at least unhelpful and at worst downright destructive for those ready to move on.
Of course, we need some vigilance to avoid relapse, but indefinitely identifying as “in recovery” is unnecessary. It’s a ball and chain. One dependency is swapped for another. Addiction is a complex behaviour, influenced by numerous factors, but behaviors can change. Repeating ‘I’ll always be in recovery’ reinforces a negative self-concept, it hinders personal growth, and may even self-prophesise.
To me, it seems harmful and feels like a trap.
Recovery At The Expense of All Else
Some people become so deeply entrenched in the recovery process, often with overwhelming intensity or for unnaturally prolonged periods, that it hinders their real-world personal growth.
I’m not referring to the initial rehabilitation phase, where attending a decent rehabilitation centre for a few months is undeniably an important part of treatment for some. Instead, it concerns those who attend recovery groups for years or even a lifetime, resulting in a self-reinforced state of unwellness. In such cases, a more well-rounded approach, involving broader life experiences and personal exploration, might have helped them realise they weren't truly unwell in the sense they’re being led to believe, and promoted greater growth as individuals.
When groups perpetuate this feeling of unwellness and position themselves as the only remedy, something is fundamentally wrong. It doesn't smell right.
The purpose of recovery is to become recovered, not to remain in a perpetual state of recovery.
Recovery as a Finite Process
Freedom from addiction exists when we cease the substance AND taper away from the recovery phase. Recovery is a means to an end, not an end in itself. It’s a limiting idea of self. An endless cycle of meetings which, whilst beneficial at first, also seems to keep some in an addiction: either tethered to the identity of an addict (or a recovering one) or reliant on an external crutch to meet their needs. It’s not healthy for recovery to become a permanent fixture once the substance use behaviours have dissipated.
Now, I’m not saying to abandon recovery to GO BACKWARDS. I’m saying the opposite—that recovery is a new baseline to move forward and upwards.
Recovery is the bus ride that safely takes you home. You’re going to go around in circles if you stay on the bus.
Addressing the Root Causes
White-knuckling, or clinging to abstinence without addressing the underlying issues of addiction, is all too common. When addiction is viewed as an incurable, debilitating disease that must be constantly managed, it can feel like you’re endlessly fighting a losing battle. However, addiction is not a disease; it’s a symptom.
True recovery involves addressing the root causes of addiction, such as trauma, mental health issues, and various social and environmental factors. It requires a holistic approach that encompasses physical, emotional, and psychological healing.
Simply abstaining, even with the support of recovery groups, without this deeper work can lead to a brittle recovery that is susceptible to breakdown under stress.
Integrating True Recovery into Everyday Life
The ultimate goal of recovery is to reach a state where healthy behaviours have become a natural part of your identity.
This means moving beyond the label of "recovering addict" and embracing a new self-concept that is not defined by past behaviour. It includes the ability to engage in everyday activities, enjoy solitude, build healthy relationships, and pursue personal and professional goals without the constant spectre of addiction looming overhead.
The journey of recovery is crucial, but it must eventually be left behind. Recovery should serve as a foundation for a richer, more fulfilling life, rather than a perpetual, self-reinforcing struggle.
You can recover.
P.S.
I read this article out to a friend. He was intrigued about the wine situation and asked me if I ever get urges. I suspected it was a leading question to the follow-up: ‘So you’re still in recovery then.’
Here’s my answer:
“Do I ever get urges? Yes— sometimes. But they’re few and far between. Here’s the thing, I don’t believe the urge when I feel it. I take urges for what they are - they’re old synapses firing. It’s a sign something isn’t right and those synapses are sending a message down an historic pathway. I take time to reflect on what it was that triggered those synapses by asking myself “What does this really mean?” or “What needs have I not met recently?” And I work to remedy that or at least plan to address it tomorrow.”
Some Thoughts to Consider:
How do you see yourself beyond the labels of addiction and recovery?
Do you believe your current approach to recovery is achievable for you?
At what point do you believe recovery ends, if at all? Have you already reached that point?
What is your vision of a life fully lived?
What actions can you take today to start living that life now?
How have your experiences shaped your understanding of true wellness?
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Thank you,
Adam.
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First, I want to say that your conviction comes through very clearly in this piece, and that I relate. I could have never conveyed the type of power from within that you convey here had I continued to drink. I was stuck in neutral.
I have come to see that, as human being, I was lost. There was a path that led to the person who I was always supposed to be, and, for many reasons, I deviated from it. I used alcohol, and other things, to soothe myself from the distress that came with betraying myself.
In terms of recovery and recovering, the thing I needed to recover was myself. So, whether or not I am in recovery or recovering, I am engaged in an endless pursuit to become the most genuine expression of myself that I possibly can.
As a guy who coaches people in early recovery, here is a position I take that some of my peers take issue with. “I don’t care how you get sober. I care that you get sober.” I can tell you what worked for me. I may have some suggestions about what might work for you, but you have to find what is going to work for you, and what is sustainable.
The one prevailing idea among people in the recovery mainstream that I take issue with is the notion that I am fundamentally different from other human beings. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that there is nothing wrong with me and there never was.
In some ways, this piece echoes something I said in my men’s group just yesterday. The point of all this is to not need it. The point of therapy is to not need therapy. All the work I have done on myself, I did it so I can lead a fulfilling, meaningful, and enjoyable life.
Damn. This is such an important distinction that I never thought about. I have never identified with recovery myself. Sure, there are things to recover from, but yes it is a process that can be completed. A couple years ago I wrote something called, "Discovery not recovery."