Rehabitus: Empowering Personal Growth in Life After Addiction.
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Understanding Your Needs
Part of the relapse prevention series
A collaboration between Jonny Lee and AdamT.
Sometimes in life, we experience urges, cravings, or desires. Some of these are fundamental biological needs such as hunger, thirst, and sex. Others are more complex, relating to higher needs like desiring respect from others or developing a profound sense of purpose.
For individuals with a history of addictive behaviours, we may feel a strong urge for that substance or behaviour of choice. But of course, we know that using the substance or behaviour doesn’t serve us well. This isn’t a natural need and it certainly doesn’t lead to the right solution. Using the substance or behaviour is a displacement activity that sedates or distracts us from the authentic need.
Imagine the scenario: "I feel terrible about myself, and I just want to get drunk or high." This ‘solution’ does not address the real need but serves as a temporary escape.
To break this cycle, we must learn to identify and understand our true needs.
Pause and Scan
One way to understand what we truly need is to pause for a moment and scan our thoughts and feelings. This doesn’t require a full-blown meditation session, which might be unrealistic in the moment of intense craving. The idea is to mimic meditation for a few seconds. Simply switch your mental awareness on. Take deep breaths in and slow breaths out, and become conscious of the feelings in your mind and body.
For instance, a sudden urge to use a substance might be masking deeper feelings such as:
"I’m feeling really low."
"I’m feeling very lonely."
"I feel terrible about the things I’ve done."
"I can’t see a way out."
By pausing to recognise these feelings, we can begin to address the true underlying needs.
Developing the Skill
Pausing and scanning is a skill that requires practice. Many of us have been conditioned to be unaware of our needs due to reasons like our parents' discipline or societal influences. Initially, it might be challenging to notice what we’re actually experiencing. We may also have extreme emotions that can make it difficult to pause and take notice.
Let’s use a familiar example to assist with this idea.
Consider your posture right now. Perform a quick body scan. It takes awareness to become conscious of our posture. We’re not constantly alert to the correctness of our posture, but we can use a cue, like sitting down or standing up. The act of sitting down or standing up can become our prompt to question our posture. This simple cue can remind us to straighten our spine, gently retract our shoulder blades, place our feet flat on the floor, and mildly engage our core.
Think of having an urge to use a substance as your cue to ask yourself what it is you really need. Perform a mental scan. What led up to this urge? Was it a memory? A situation? Have you been isolating? Have you been neglecting self-care? Take a moment to pause and question what the urge represents, much like checking your posture when you change positions. Can you practice identifying and addressing the underlying need during an urge, just as you would address your posture when you stand up?
By regularly practising this technique, you can better understand and meet your true needs.
The HALT Technique
There's a helpful acronym: HALT. It encourages us to pause and question urges to use a substance or engage in destructive behaviour, as the underlying need might be the real reason for the urge:
Ask yourself: am I…
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired?
This technique helps identify some physical and emotional needs that could be driving the urge, each of which has natural remedies:
If you’re hungry, eat something nutritious.
If you’re angry, consider leaving the situation if possible, or take a walk in nature to calm your mind.
If you’re lonely, reach out to a friend and arrange a meet-up, or make plans to attend a supportive group like those for addiction recovery or Andy’s Man Club.
If you’re tired, take time to rest or sleep.
The point is to pause and reflect. The urge to use a substance or behaviour is a cue that an underlying need isn’t being met. By addressing these needs directly, you can reduce the intensity of the urge and find healthier ways to cope.
Growing Awareness Beyond HALT
Not everything is as simple as HALT; people are far more complicated than that. But pausing and checking the HALT list is good practice. When cravings, urges, or desires strike, it’s crucial for you to pause, reflect, and identify your unique underlying needs. You always have the power of choice in how you act: you can find a healthy solution to the need, or you can mask the problem and keep paying the price. Here are a few more examples of healthier solutions:
If you feel low, try activities that boost your mood such as exercising, pursuing a hobby, or speaking to a therapist.
If you feel overwhelmed by guilt or shame, seek forgiveness and self-compassion, possibly with the support of a counsellor or support group.
If you feel stressed or anxious, practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to help calm your mind and body.
Final Reflections
Understanding your needs is a vital step towards self-awareness and well-being. By taking a moment to pause and reflect, you can uncover the real needs behind your cravings and urges. Using techniques like HALT can guide you towards healthier strategies, ultimately leading to a more balanced and enriched life.
Remember, you always have the power to pause, reflect and choose how you act.
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Yes! Becoming aware of what we’re feeling in the moment and what our needs are is absolutely key in recovery and sobriety. And for being a happier human generally!